they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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