who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
