this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
