just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
