Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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