What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
