god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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