Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
