Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We have started to decorate penises.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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