just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
