New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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