so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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