Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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