And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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