Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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