how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
