You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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