there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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