HIV tests are more positive than that guy
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
