I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
