thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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