I'm going to jail i love you
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
