I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
