i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
