we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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