I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
