Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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