Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
