I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
