After last night, I could never be a politician.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
