Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
