Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
