I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
