u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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