Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
