It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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