just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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