Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
