DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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