Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
