When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
