Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
