hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
