I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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