The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
