your room smells of hookers.
And success
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
