It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
