I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
