I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
