took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
