I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
