Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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