Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
