I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
